American Horror Story: Roanoke, Chapter 3 Recap

Without further ado, here’s my recap of Chapter 3 of American Horror Story: Roanoke.

Chapter 3 of American Horror Story: Roanoke continues on in the vein of “stupid shit that happens in horror movies.” But, this week FX also adds an extra element of “ho-hum” with the drawn out search for Flora (Saniyya Sidney). In fact, I would say 80% of this episode dealt with looking for Flora and of that, only 10% was interesting and that is on account of the introduction of Cricket (Leslie Jordan), a psychic who knows Flora is alive and where she is but will only retrieve her for a fee.

CF:  Cricket is the point where the show decided it needed to rip of Poltergeist and bring in someone who was damn near a dead ringer for Tangina Barrons.  And agreed about it being uninteresting; I was distracted the whole time by other things.

FX's 'American Horror Story Roanoke' Chapter 3 Cricket with the bonnet

FX’s ‘American Horror Story Roanoke’ Chapter 3 Cricket [Image via FX]

So, in between all of the mind-numbing looking for Flora parts of American Horror Story: Roanoke, we find out a few interesting tidbits.

  • The Polks have left town. Well, most of them anyway. They left behind a couple of simpletons who like to suckle from a sow pig and repeat the single word “Croatoan.” Now, considering Lee (Adina Porter/Angela Bassett) admits they had all grown up hearing about the lost colony of Roanoke, the utterance of this word does not trigger any alarms.

CF:  Good to see the show getting into the crazy shit early.  They needed about twenty minutes more of this.

RT: Absolutely agree Cassidy! I think they are taking themselves way too seriously in Season 6. Just put out the weird shit Ryan Murphy, it’s the reason we tune in, trust me on that one 😉

CF:  Anyone watching AHS for all the deep, interesting drama is really doing it wrong.

FX's 'American Horror Story Roanoke' Chapter 3 The Polk boys suckling from a sow pig

FX’s ‘American Horror Story Roanoke’ Chapter 3 The Polk boys suckling from a sow pig [Image via FX]

  • FX does, though address the issue of why people from North Carolina would buy in such as area knowing about the lost colony: apparently even though the show is called Roanoke, it seems they are not actually in the spot commonly known as Roanoke. Instead, they are at the “true” Roanoke, a place where a woman moved to after she was vanquished by her own colony and sold her soul to the devil. In this instance, the woman is Thomasin White (Kathy Bates) — also known as the Butcher — and the devil is Lady Gaga, whose character doesn’t even have a name yet according to IMDb.

CF:  It’s Lady Gaga:  does she need a name?  And I will say this:  Gaga looks like she’s having a ball with the part because she acts like she got drunk and was told to do an hour of free-form improve.  If only we could get her and Asylum’s Ian McShane together

RT: Seriously, if Season 6 could just be Lady Gaga and Kathy Bates being bat shit crazy, I’d be okay with that.

CF:  You would at least ditch all this pretentious bullshit and get right to the insanity.  They need to cut Sarah Paulson loose:  She and Gaga and Bates need to get nuts together.

  • Thanks to Cricket conveniently inviting himself to the search for Flora, we find out the backstory of Thomasin White. Turns out she was shunned from her colony. Placing a hideous metal mask on her for no apparent reason, they sent her out into the wilds to die. Even her own son turns against her when his life is threatened by the community. So, out Thomasin goes and nearly starves to death until Lady Gaga turns up and offers the woman the still beating heart of a wild boar. Thomasin exchanges her soul for the bloody meal, dons another crazy accent and returns to the colony to kill them all, except for her son, whom she gives one last chance. The spineless git — of course — bends to her wishes.
FX's 'American Horror Story Roanoke' Chapter 3 Thomasin White in her mask

FX’s ‘American Horror Story Roanoke’ Chapter 3 Thomasin White in her mask [Image via FX]

  • Also, thanks to Cricket, a deal is struck with the Butcher in regards to the house and land. If Matt and Shelby agree to burn the house to the ground and prevent anyone else from moving in, Prescilla (Estelle Hermansen) will release Flora and all will be good in the world again.

CF:  I was chanting at this point, “Burn it down, burn this motherfucker down.”

  • Lee has misplaced another child in the past. Turns out she had another daughter when she was 17 who was stolen from her car. And this is the woman Matt (André Holland/Cuba Gooding, Jr.) entrusted to look after his wife.
FX's 'American Horror Story Roanoke' Chapter 3 Lee gets upset at the mention of Emily

FX’s ‘American Horror Story Roanoke’ Chapter 3 Lee gets upset at the mention of Emily [Image via FX]

  • Speaking of Lee, because AHS: Roanoke seems to be the Lee show more than the Matt and Shelby show of late, her husband turns up, frantic as fuck about Flora’s disappearance. And then moves right on in to blaming Lee for kidnapping and hiding their daughter rather than let the responsible adult look after her. Lee responds by sneaking out after her hubby and setting fire to him. Well, that’s the assumption to be made after she was caught via Matt’s stalker-vision leaving the house and returning four hours later. Whether she did or not, I’m not sure, although FX establishes pretty quickly after that that fugue states are happening now in AHS: Roanoke.

CF:  Because horror.  And also, make sure you leave the body where it’ll be found.  Easy Peasy.

  • So, I have saved the best bit for last, which was obviously what FX was doing as well when they sent Matt out into the wilds to have sex with Lady Gaga. And, yes, Shelby (Lily Rabe/Sarah Paulson), catches his sorry arse and nails it to the wall by dobbing in Lee and Cricket to the police and getting everyone arrested because they had promised the ghosts they would burn down the house and leave. It seems that, suddenly, Shelby wants to keep the haunted old place.

CF:  I was roaring at this part.  So damn funny.  And the looks on everyone’s faces:  the most unsexy sex ever!  Also, I have to love that suddenly Shelby wants to stay when two episodes ago she was bolting out of there in a hurry.  Oh, but running into immortals in the woods probably changed her mind…  Jesus, this makes no sense.  But hey:  more crazy shit!

RT: I think maybe Cricket summoning up all the spirits has gotten everyone possessed, Shelby included, she’s just being more discrete about it at the moment. Or, at least, I HOPE that’s why her character has flipped and it’s not just a stupid plot device to keep them in the house.

FX's 'American Horror Story Roanoke' Chapter 3 Lee having sex with Lady Gaga while Shelby looks on

[GIF via Vanity Fair/FX]

What did you think of Chapter 3 of American Horror Story: Roanoke? Let us know by commenting below!

American Horror Story returns to FX with Chapter 4 of Season 6 on Wednesday, October 5 at 10 p.m. ET.

[Image via FX]

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