The Stupid Shit Meter
(Because all of it this week was stupid shit.)
Episode 2 opens with what looks like the old version of AHS. You know the one, where it was visually stunning and there was actual plot that just wasn’t tropes done badly? But then it all goes to the crapper pretty quickly as Sarah Paulson screams and we are reminded that her character, Ally, is literally the worst. At least she managed to learn something from AHS: Roanoke though and picks up a knife rather than be unprotected in a house filled with bad things. Except it turns out Ally is just having a bad dream and I kind of wonder when
Dr. Oliver Thredson will arrive to cart her off to Briarcliff.
Now it’s time to meet the new neighbours. Considering the Changs were only just murdered in the very last episode, I am wondering why the house has new neighbours so quickly.
Oh, look, that’s why: they’re crazy.But at least we now know why there is all those AHS posters with bees. This new couple, Harrison and Meadow Wilton, keep bees. And, yes, her name is really Meadow *rolls eyes* They also run a Nicole Kidman fan club and I am totally not okay with Nicole’s name being mentioned in American Horror Story. But, maybe this is where the theme of “Cult” finally makes an appearance? You know, the cult of celebrity? Seriously though, the cult of an actual whack-a-doodle cult would have been better FX.
So, because the Wiltons are crazy and Ally got busted looking in their window, they totally bond and are now besties.
Ivy (Alison Pill) then gets a call that their restaurant alarm system has done off. Ally goes to check it out because she likes to think she is big and brave. So, when she discovers the body of one of their employees murdered, she quickly develops a case of Agoraphobia to add to her list of phobias. The aforementioned murdered guy was first introduced (and last seen) having an argument with another employee who is of Mexican decent. Guess where the blame gets laid?
Meanwhile, speaking of crazy, Kai (Evan Peters) totally takes advantage of the death of Tom Chang (Tim Kang) and runs for office. He does this by getting beaten up by a group of Mexicans and pulling the “I’ve been wrongly beaten by a minority and we should build a wall” card. Except that he provoked the attack and just had the end recorded where he is getting attacked.
Once again, Kai sucks.
He also uses his powers of intimidation to freak Ally the fuck out when he does a campaign door knock. Because nothing gets people on your cause like trying to break into their house.What about the worst babysitter ever? She is still employed by Ally and Ivy. And, she has gotten a promotion now that Ally is even more crazy than ever. While Winter (Billie Lourd) suggests wine and hot baths over medication, Ally gets a backrub from her that is far more weird than sexy.
And then the power goes out.
Yes, fucking terrorists. In American Horror Story.
Because: Why not? I mean, it’s a hot mess already, why not add a new plot device to the mix?
So now the creepy new neighbours arrive with beeswax candles before quickly leaving again, gleefully excited the end of the world is nigh. Winter decides she needs to go home for her stuff rather than stay in a secure home and Ally is left all alone in the house.
Except for her son, Oz (Cooper Dodson).
Remember him Ally?
No, you don’t, because you are too busy freaking the fuck out.
She does eventually remember her parental duties though and gathers him up, deciding that she would be safer with the creepy bee neighbours rather than in her newly fortified house. She also grabs her gun and manages to shoot her employee, the Mexican one that probably didn’t kill the racist arsehole employee, and this episode is finally over. It also leaves me wondering just how much of what was actually seen in this episode of American Horror Story is actually real or just nightmares and hallucinations on Ally’s behalf.
What did you think of Episode 2 of American Horror Story: Cult? Let us know by commenting below!
[Image via FX]