Welcome to the last ever season premiere recap of HBO’s Game of Thrones. It all feels a bit surreal, to be honest.
If you were hoping for massive fan service in Episode 1 of Game of Thrones Season 8, then look no further. Every. Single. Scene. seemed to pay homage to the past. Characters meet up, sometimes for the first time since Season 1. Other times, it is conversations and locations that give fans a shiver as they occur. And, it is something I totally loved.
And also didn’t entirely love.
Yes, ti was good to see the Starks all together again. Yes, I am glad things are sorted out pretty quickly as we head into the final episodes ever of Game of Thrones. However, I found the conversations I savoured the most were the ones that moved the plot forward.
In saying that, let’s break down the episode. So, here’s what went down in Episode 1 of Season 8 of Game of Thrones.
And, yes, the Tits and Dragon meter returns! 😉
The episode opens in much the same way as the original pilot episode did. A small boy is running through the crowd and climbing a tree, trying to see the Unsullied as they march into Winterfell. It reminds the audience of Bran who climbed a tower and lost the use of his legs in Season 1 of Game of Thrones.
As everyone arrives at Winterfell in anticipation of battling the threat beyond the Wall. Jon Snow (Kit Harington) and Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) arrive and Dany works out fairly quickly that Sansa (Sophie Turner) doesn’t like her AND she’s smart so she is totally a threat to Dany.
Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) is also present and in his emotionless Three-Eyed Raven persona ends up being the kid who has no social graces and blurts out the fact that the Night King (Vladimir Furdik) has an ice dragon now and the Wall is FUBAR.
So, shit starts to get real.
But, not really. In actuality, we then move forward into more meet and greets as Bran continues to NOT TELL JON AND DAENERYS THEY ARE RELATED.
As a result of this, Jon and Dany take an epic ride on dragons and have further sex just to solidify that they are all incested up while the dragons watch.
— nessie 🐻 (@xo_nessie) April 15, 2019
Meanwhile, the North continues to grumble about Daenerys’ involvement. Because they would totally be able to kill the Night King and his undead army. But, as Ser Davos (Liam Cunningham) points out, these people are stubborn and completely unreasonable when it comes to prioritising life and death situations.
Jon meets up with Arya (Maisie Williams) and they catch up over who has the better sword. Arya also catches up with Gendry (Joe Dempsie) since she wants him to make her even more deadly weapons than those she already has.
Sansa continues to battle with Jon, who still doesn’t believe she has anything worthwhile to say or has any knowledge earned from her time at King’s Landing and her various other horrible life experiences.
In addition, Sansa also has a reunion with Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage), while they catch up on things since she knicked off from Joffrey’s (Jack Gleeson) wedding and left Tyrion in the shit.
— Humbly IMO (@humblyimo) April 15, 2019
She also points out how dumb Tyrion for believing his sister, Cersei (Lena Headey), will head North to help them.
Nice call Sansa. I can’t believe everyone else hasn’t worked this out yet.
There is lots of talk about Jon giving up his crown in favour of Daenerys during this episode. Even still, it takes them all bloody episode for Bran to tell Samwell Tarly (John Bradley) that he should be the one to tell Jon he is a secret Targaryen.
Prior to that, Samwell found out from Daenerys herself that she had fried his family. Sam is totally upset, I’m not sure why because his dad and brother were cunts to him. But, I guess we can’t predict grief.
So, Sam bites the bullet and finds Jon in the crypt below Winterfell and totally drops the clanger on him that Jon is the one true heir to the Seven Kingdoms. As viewers get to see Jon processing the incesty parts of the story (first when he finds out Lyanna is his mother and he thinks she shagged her brother, then when it become apparent Daenerys is his aunt), Sam also asks if Dany will bend the knee to the one true ruler.
And Samwell is totally right in that regard, Daenerys will not be bending the knee any time soon. So, I guess the honeymoon period is over already…
— Ainsley Jay Sheridan (@ainsley_jay) April 15, 2019
Meanwhile, Cersei is pissed off that Euron Greyjoy (Pilou Asbæk) brought back the Golden Company and there were no elephants involved.
Because this is the most important thing Cersei.
Not the fucking white walker disaster rapidly approaching.
Cersei also has sex with Euron so that no one pulls the “You Fucked Your Brother Card And Got Pregnant.”
She also gives Bronn (Jerome Flynn) a pile of gold to kill Tyrion with the same crossbow he killed their father with.
I will stake my life on the fact Bronn will take the money and side with the North. There is no way he will be killing either of Cersei’s brothers.
Theon Greyjoy Rescues His Sister
Theon (Alfie Allen) is continuing on in the sort of redeeming story arc that will likely see him dead by the end of the season. He rescues his sister and she responds by slapping him. They then hug it out and Yara (Gemma Whelan) allows him to head North to fight for the Starks. Which means his story is done and I bet he will die soon.
— Mark Baxter (@BaxToTheFuture_) April 15, 2019
HBO introduced some wicked new opening credits for Game of Thrones. As a result of this, we knew already that Last Hearth was getting iced over in Episode 1.
So, when Tormund (Kristofer Hivju) finds the Umber lord — who is only a small boy — dead and tacked to a wall with added body parts that make him look like a giant octopus, fans are not surprised the castle has already fallen.
— Danielle Blackington (@dahneldahnel) April 15, 2019
Throughout the entire episode of Game of Thrones, Bran is left sitting around in his wheelchair at Winterfell. No one is really asking him if he is stuck and needs a push. Although, he does point out at one point that he is waiting for someone.
Well, that someone turns out to be Jaime-Fucking-Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), the very man who pushed him out the window.
Of all the people Jaime was expecting to meet first at Winterfell, I would lay money on anyone but Bran. But, viewers have to wait until Episode 2 of Game of Thrones to find out more about this reunion.
Tits and Dragons Meter
For a reminder of my rating scale, please visit here.
1 out of 5 for Tits. We got to see Bronn having sex with three whores that were more interested in gossip than fucking. Considering Jon and Daenerys got their last sex on before they find out they’re related, I was expecting more in the tits department.
5 out of 5 for Dragons. Jon and Day rode dragons. Jon nearly shit his pants when one went down into a gorge. It was hilarious.
— Sansa Being Smarter Than Tyrion mood (@venonats) April 15, 2019
What did you think of the Season 8 premiere of Game of Thrones? Let us know your thoughts and theories by commenting below.
Season 8 of Game of Thrones returns to HBO with Episode 2 on Sunday, April 21 at 9 p.m.
[Featured image via Helen Sloan / HBO]