Regardless, how did this meeting go? Let’s have a look at Episode 3 (titled “The Queen’s Justice”) of HBO’s Game of Thrones Season 7 and find out, shall we?
Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is announced with her big long list of titles and affiliations. Then, Jon Snow (Kit Harington) gets his turn. Welcome, Jon Snow King of the North. Right, shall we move along then? Even though Daenerys’
dick title is bigger than Jon’s it doesn’t mean he is intimidated. Quite the opposite actually. Jon insists he is going to remain King in the North and there is nothing Daenerys can do about it.
Oh, except for take his ship. Right. So, that leaves Jon to stand on a cliff and brood like no one but Jon Snow can. Even Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) comments on it in between playing the two sides.While all this is unfolding, Varys (Conleth Hill) is having a quiet chat with Melisandre (Carice van Houten) about why she is hiding from Jon Snow. Between Varys asking questions and Davos Seaworth (Liam Cunningham) nearly spilling the beans about what Melisandre did to Jon Snow, it shouldn’t be long before the world knows Jon has risen from the dead and Daenerys won’t care whether Jon is King in the North or merely its warden because, bitches, please, Jon Snow is Jesus!
Oh, and Bran (Isaac Hempstead Wright) has finally returned to Winterfell, so it won’t be long before Sansa (Sophie Turner) is sending a raven to let Jon Snow he can add “Targaryen” to his opening title.
The attack on Casterly Rock is planned in Episode 3 of Game of Thrones Season 7. Tyrion reveals he helped design the sewers there and can get the Unsullied in no problem. Once inside, however, it seems there is not a great an army as they anticipated. There is a reason for that…
So, now that Euron Greyjoy (Pilou Asbaek) has some prisoners of war after attacking his own family in last week’s episode of Game of Thrones, he returns to King’s Landing with his gift. Cersei (Lena Headey) is impressed and promises to be his bride once the war is won. Is it just me, or is everyone expecting Cersei to kill Euron before the war ends?
Regardless, Cersei now has Ellaria (Indira Varma) and Ellaria’s daughter to play with. Considering Ellaria poisoned Cersei’s daughter, we all know how this is going to end. But, because this is HBO, let’s just drag this scene out until Ellaria is bawling. Then Cersei kisses Ellaria’s daughter and leaves. Ellaria gets to live, but in misery because not only will her daughter die, Ellaria will now get to watch her rot.
Cersei then speaks with Braavos, trying to drum up a loan. Braavos are having no part of this on account of the fact they like to bet on winning teams, not incesty losing ones. Cersei then points out that Braavos probably don’t have that much cash left anyway thanks to Daenerys. Plus, a Lannister always pays their debts. As a result of this, Cersei gets her loan.
But, how will she pay the loan back?
Well, I’m glad you asked. It seems the Lannisters have already worked out Tyrion would attack Casterly Rock, and, really, they don’t care as much as Tyrion thinks they will. Instead, Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) takes the army and heads to Tyrell territory. Why? Because that is where gold is mined in Westeros.
Olenna (Diane Rigg) knows she is a goner as soon as Jaime enters the room. However, as Jaime points out, he is not a bitch like his sister and Olenna can die painlessly thanks to a small vial of poison he brought with him. Olenna drinks that poison down like it is going out of style and then announces to Jaime she has a message she would like him to take home to Cersei: She was the one who poisoned Joffrey (Jack Gleeson).Jaime actually leaves her there to die after that and I am not really sure why. Personally, I’d be pissed and want to stab Olenna, but Jaime just leaves.
Considering Olenna was last seen at Dragonstone with Ellaria, I wonder if she has a little bottle of poison elixir on her person for just such an event as this? I mean, we didn’t actually see Olenna die on screen, did we?
Elsewhere in Westeros
Not much else is happening in Westeros other than everyone picking sides in the upcoming war.
Oh, except for successfully healing Jorah (Iain Glen) of greyscale.
And, how did Samwell Tarly (John Bradley-West) do this?
By reading the book and followed the instructions, according to Sam when questioned. Because it was apparently that simple *sigh*
As a result of this, Jorah can return to being Ser Friendzone in Game of Thrones.
- Tyrion refers to the white walkers as the “walking dead men.” Yes, take that Skybound, for your mock Walking Dead poster.
- Sansa calls out Petyr Baelish (Aidan Gillen) who claims he knows Cersei better than anyone. Really, Littlefinger? Even more than the woman who has lost a big chunk of her family to Cersei? Would you like some ice for your burn Petyr?
Tits and Dragons Meter
For a reminder of my rating scale, please visit here.
2 out of 5 for Tits. Thanks to Cersei and Jaime having brother/sister sex, we get tits AND ass.
3 out of 5 for Dragons. Besides Jon nearly shitting himself at his first dragon sighting, there was also plenty of talk comparing the white walkers to dragons, because, you know, neither are supposed to exist in Game of Thrones.
What did you think of Episode 3 of Game of Thrones Season 7? Let us know your thoughts and theories by commenting below.
Season 7 of HBO’s Game of Thrones will return on Sunday, August 6, with Episode 4, titled “The Spoils of War,” according to Comic Book Movie.
There is no official synopsis yet, but you can view the trailer for Episode 4 of Game of Thrones Season 7 below.
[Featured image via Helen Sloan/HBO]