Here’s what went down in Episode 6 (titled “Beyond the Wall”) of HBO’s Game of Thrones Season 7.
Temporary Queen in the North
Before we get to all the exciting stuff, let’s have a look at how the Starks are faring under the creepy eye of Petyr Baelish (Aidan Gillen). Considering just how smart Arya (Maisie Williams) and Sansa (Sophie Turner) have become in Game of Thrones, it comes as no surprise that all it takes is one suspiciously planted letter to get the pair bitching to each other. Seriously girls, even Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) comes out and tells Sansa Littlefinger is a creep and still the girls can’t quite put their finger on what is going on. *rolls eyes*Speaking of Brienne, she is going on her own road trip thanks to an invite from Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey) that Sansa is too chicken to accept. Instead of meeting with Cersei in person, Sansa sends Brienne in her place. This means there will likely be an awkward exchange between Brienne and Jaime at some point soon. Which I am totally looking forward to. Or Brienne will die. Which is not what I am looking forward to.
Beyond the Wall
So, Jon Snow has taken his motley crew and gone beyond the Wall this week. Before the shit hits the fan, I just need to point out this exchange between the Hound (Rory McCann) and Tormund (Kristofer Hivju).
— Rosemary (@PaperRozee) August 21, 2017
Seriously HBO, if Tormund or Brienne dies, I will seriously riot!
But, besides Tormund becoming even more adorable, we get to see the rest of the group bond. Which is really fucking hilarious considering the Lord of Light dudes nearly got Gendry (Joe Dempsie) killed, the Hound hates everyone and Jon (Kit Harington) and Jorah (Iain Glen) play hot potato with the Mormont sword while they talk about how screwed honorable men are in Westeros.
Then an undead bear turns up and spoils the road trip and the audience is freaking out because who even knew bears could be wights. They also discover a small band of the undead and set a little trap to attract them.
Which is exactly what the Night King (Vladimir Furdik) had hoped for.
In the midst of all this, Thoros of Myr (Paul Kaye) gets injured. But at least they now have a wight to take back to Cersei.
Jon also discovers that if you kill the head of the group, all the wights he created will perish along with him. So, instead of pulling back and thinking about this for a bit — because, let’s face it, it literally means that if they take out the Night King with a dragon, everything will be okay — they decide they still need a wight to show Cersei.Finally, they realise how much they need dragons when that little group of the undead turns out to be a decoy and the entire white walker army Bran warned them about shows up. Jon tells Gendry to run all the way back to the Wall and send a message to Daenerys to send her dragons because all of a sudden reality has just clicked into place and he has worked it all out a minute too late. Jon decides they all need to run, but, just when he decides it’s time to go, they hit ice. And, that is literally, and not figuratively. Being adventurous lads and having absolutely no other choice, they all decide to make a run for it across the ice anyway.
They totally make it across too. Except what they arrive at is a small island in the middle of all that thin ice and now the Night King has them surrounded. Which means they have to sit back and fill in time until backup arrives. If it ever does.
Gendry runs back to the Wall and a message is sent to Daenerys and she receives it. All in the span of time it takes Jon and his group to sleep through the night while the white walkers surround them. Remember when it took a whole season for someone to travel across Westeros? Yeah, those days are gone now that there are only a handful of episodes left in Game of Thrones and too many queens vying for the iron throne.
So, Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) tells Daenerys to forget about the North and Daenerys, being Daenerys, doesn’t listen to him one bit. Or maybe its because she has that lady boner going for Jon Snow. Either way, she jumps on her dragons and flies off to the North and suddenly I am thinking HBO has wrapped things up a bit early.Back to the shittiest road trip ever (outside of that one that happened in The Walking Dead) and Thoros has frozen solid during the night, which means he he is the first off the island in the worst series of Survivor yet. The undead are still surrounding Jon’s group and who even knows when Daenerys will get there. To fill in time, the Hound starts throwing rocks at the undead. You know, for shits and giggles. Except, when one rock falls short, the undead army realises the ice is now strong enough to walk on and Jon’s group are fucked all over again.
Cue epic battle here.
Now, it isn’t a penultimate episode of Game of Thrones without a battle and Season 7 is no exception. Besides all the obvious awesomeness when it comes to a Game of Thrones battle, HBO decides to make us all shit our pants when it looks like Tormund is going to die. Luckily the Hound decides to not be an asshole for a minute and rescues Tormund.
Jon then starts seeing everything in slow motion which is a sure bet HBO wants you to think everything is going to the crapper but really they are just sending in the dragons.
Daenerys, having not learned from her previous battle with the Lannister army, kills just enough enemies to look impressive but totally forgets to kill the important people.
As a result of this, the Night King throws his spear and hits one of Daenerys’ dragons.
I’ll let that sink in.
The Night King kills a dragon.
Because he wasn’t enough of an asshole to begin with.
Before Daenerys — or anyone — can really get her head around the fact one of her dragons is dead and sinking below the icy water, the Night King is winding up his firing arm once more and Jon is telling her to go now and take everyone else with them so they can take a damn wight back to Cersei, instead of, I don’t know, using a dragon to burn the Night King to the ground and ending that war before it had even started.
Daenerys isn’t about to lose another dragon to high-tails it out of there.
Which means Jon is left alone, beyond the wall, and it takes him all of three seconds to be overwhelmed and sink below the water just like Daenerys’ dragon.
I swear I am not crying. There’s just something in my eye.
— League Sources (@_cliffnotez) August 21, 2017
The Night king pulls a Oberon Martell (Pedro Pascal) and leaves before he has really finished the job. Which means Jon can claw his way up out of the icy water.
However, Jon doesn’t know how to sneak very well and those white walkers are onto him and Jon looks done for this time.
Which means it is time for Benjen (Joseph Mawle) to show up, give Jon a horse and get killed by the white walkers.
Jon doesn’t look the literal gift horse in the mouth, or hang around long enough to ask too many questions. Oh no, he bolts it out of there because he has a lady to impress.
That Moment When Daenerys and Jon Hold Hands
So, Jon makes it back to the Wall just in time for Daenerys to think he is dead. He is hauled inside, half-frozen, and then, just as quickly, put on board the ship Daenerys was readying for King’s Landing.
For some reason, in the midst of trying to warm Jon up they decide that taking his shirt off is the best way to go about it.
It is also the time when Daenerys decides to pay him a visit. I don’t know much about wooing, but I am betting, in Westeros, this is the equivalent of swiping right on Tinder.
Even though Daenerys has asked Jon about taking a knife to the heart, seeing all the scars on Jon’s chest now, she doesn’t ask him anything important.
But maybe that’s because Jon is bare-chested and apologising about getting her dragon killed. Oh, and maybe bending the knee and calling her his Queen might have something to do with it as well.
— Noor-Hal Cuellar (@noorhal) August 21, 2017
- Can we just talk about that moment when the Night King drags Daenerys’ dead dragon out of the icy water and turns it into a motherfucking undead dragon?! Because now, there is something to fight Daenerys’ dragons and I am betting Cersei will be eager to become the Night Queen rather than side with Daenerys and her dragons.
— U.S. Olympic Team (@TeamUSA) August 21, 2017
- Considering Ned Stark (Sean Bean) has been dead since Season 1, it was pretty interesting to note how many times he got mentioned in Episode 6 of Season 7 of Game of Thrones. It kind of feels like we are being set up for something. Like, could Ned still be alive perhaps? There is a theory out there that suggests that. Harper’s Bazaar explains it in full here, but the gist is that Ned was replaced by a Faceless Man who sacrificed himself to save the King in the North. And then everyone totally forgot this was a thing and even when Arya was training under them, no one thought to mention Ned was alive. But, considering Arya also got busted with a bag of faces in this episode, I am now wondering if there might be more to this theory than first meets the eye.
- Sansa asking Littlefinger about how Arya got the note WITHOUT EVEN SUGGESTING LITTLEFINGER IS THE CULPRIT. Sansa this better be some sort of fancy endgame strategy move and not just you being dumb.
- Arya wanting to play truth or dare with Sansa after Sansa discovers her secret stash of faces. Yeah, Arya, there’s a reason no one wants to play with you…
- When Daenerys made that comment about Jon Snow being too little for her. And she said it in front of Tyrion. But what we were all really thinking was:
Tits and Dragons Meter
For a reminder of my rating scale, please visit here.
0 out of 5 for Tits. Now, HBO, we need to have a talk. Yes, you gave us Jon Snow’s chest this week in Game of Thrones, but, if Facebook doesn’t class male nippleage as nudity, neither do I. And, for the record, hand holding (even if it is between Jon and Daenerys) doesn’t cut it either. Although, if Season 7 of Game of Thrones concludes with Tormund and Brienne getting freaky, I might forgive you.
5 out of 5 for Dragons. Besides Tyrion and Daenerys casually walking underneath dragons, there was that epic battle in which Daenerys’ dragons burned the shit out of everything. But, then HBO gave us a Walking Dead dragon and I’m not really sure how Westeros will be able to back that up.
What did you think of Episode 6 of Game of Thrones Season 7? Let us know your thoughts and theories by commenting below.
The finale episode of Season 7 of HBO’s Game of Thrones will air on Sunday, August 27.
There is no official synopsis or title yet, but you can view the trailer for Episode 6 of Game of Thrones Season 7 below.
[Featured image via HBO]