This is it: the end of the line. Orphan Black has but one last tale to tell. And even though we know what’s coming, it’s still a surprise…
All Leda clones played by Tatiana Maslany.
This breaks down pretty easy and it may seem to go fast. So hang tight, kids.
Birthin’ Those Babies:
The twins are coming and there’s no stopping them. Sarah and Helena are on the run in the old Dyad wing, but Helena is too far into labor to go far so they hold up in a boiler room.
Westmoreland (Stephen McHattie) is fading fast. Coady (Kyra Harper) is bloody but still alive and eager to find Helena. Engers (Elyse Levesque) is looking for her, too, but Art (Kevin Hanchard) finds Engers first and knocks her the fuck out and takes her radio. It isn’t long before Coady figures this out and orders radio silence.
Sarah needs medical shit to help deliver the babies. She comes across the Dyad goods packing up shit so they can get the hell out of Dodge as soon as Helena is found. Coady almost finds her: Art does and Sarah tells him where to find her while he tells Sarah what sort of supplies they’re gonna need.
P.T. needs a little pick me up and starts mainlining high grade medical meth. Coady’s assistance doesn’t think that’s a good idea; P.T. shoots him because Fuck You, How Bout Dat! Pistol in hand he leaves the office.
Art finds Helena but, shit, wouldn’t you know it, Coady got there first. She puts a gun on Art and tells him to do the delivery. Helena is in pain, but she’s making it seem worse and Art sees why, so he plays along. A few moments later he tells Coady something’s wrong, there’s a lot of blood, and Coady forgets who she’s fucking with because the moment she gets close Helena takes the big-ass screwdriver Sarah gave her before leaving and rams it up through Coady’s jaw and into her brain. And once Coady’s dead Helena spits on her because when you got a signature move, you use it.
Sarah returns to the clean area where Helena was going to give birth. While she’s looking for supplies P.T. shows up and stays outside the plastic curtain and guess what he starts doing then? If your answer was “Monologuing”, ding, ding, ding! You win! Sarah listens for a while and then begins blasting away. P.T. rips through the curtain and tries suffocating Sarah, but he’s in no shape to deal with a health woman even if she is gasping for air. We see that he’s been shot and is fading, but that doesn’t stop the motherfucking monologuing. Finally having enough of this shit, Sarah crushes his skull with an oxygen tank and screams, “That’s evolution!”
Sarah makes it back to Helena and Art just in time to help with the delivery, and we get flashbacks of how Siobhan (Maria Doyle Kennedy) was there to help Sarah when she delivered. The babies comes out: twin boys, both apparently healthy.
Life is back to normal for the sestras. Helena is living in Allison’s and Donnie’s (Kristian Bruun) garage and Donnie is working in architectural design now ‘cause he knows a lot about laying concrete now. Cosima and Delphine (Evelyne Brochu) are working on tracking down the other Leda clones so they can give them the cure that’s being processed by Scott (Josh Vokey). It’s a long process, though: while they’ve found another clone in Cartagena, Columbia, Cosima has no idea how many there may be. They have, however, gotten the cure out to two: Krystal and—Tony! Yes, they found the dude and got him inoculated. He’s still got that mullet, however. (I was going to say “bad mullet”, but is there any other kind?)
Sarah’s working on her GED and is taking her test the same day as Allison is throwing a baby shower for Helena, and the set up of the party is exactly like the dream Helena had at the start of Season 3. Allison wonders when Helena is going to name the babies, which she calls Orange and Purple, based upon the color of their socks.
Felix (Jordan Gavaris) returns from his art showing in New York City and finds a lot of old shit packed and a “For Sale” sign out front. Sarah wants to be rid of the place, but when Felix presses her on where she’s going she says she don’t know, that Kyra (Skyler Wexler) and she are going to play it like an adventure. And with that she’s off to take her test.
The shower gets underway. Allison’s kids are there. Felix’s boyfriend is there. Art shows up with his daughter and Charlotte (Cynthia Galant). Scott is on the grill and Adele (Lauren Hammersley) is hitting the booze. Sarah eventually shows up and starts hitting the booze. Everyone wants to know how she did on her test and she blows them off: she doesn’t want to talk about it. She tells everyone she’s all right, but Allison calls bullshit on her because it’s obvious as hell Sarah is far from all right.
Felix keeps looking out the window of the Hendrix house. He tells his boyfriend someone’s coming but he wants to keep the arrival on the low.
Sarah is still drinking when Cosima, Helena, and Allison come out to talk. She finally admits that she blew off here GED test and feels like a shit mother—which ties in with other flashbacks where she was considering an abortion before deciding to keep Kira. Her sistras give her the straight dope, however: Allison was ready to string up her daughter. Helena doesn’t know how to stop her babies from eating sand. Cosima has no maternal instinct at all. It’s not just Sarah who makes does this shit: they all do it.
Felix’s visitor finally arrives: it’s Rachel. She Ubered over and admits to Felix that she has no friends and has to stay off the radar if she wants to live. As she hands over an envelop he says she can come in; she tells him the last thing she ever wants to see is someone else with her face. He wishes her a good live and bids her adieu.
He joins the others and gives Cosima the package Rachel brought. It’s a list of all the Leda clones and their locations, all 274 of them. They can finally start tracking them down so they can be given the cure.
Helena finally brings out the story she’s been working on, one about herself and her incredible sisters. The title? Orphan Black. Who the hell would ever name a book that?
The Final Trip:
Allison is composing a new song when Donnie comes in to drop his sweats in the wash. He does a strip tease and we get one last look at Donnie Butt.
Delphine and Cosima are in Cartagena, where Delphine is giving the cure to the Leda clone found there. Cosima almost comes face-to-face with her and talks to Delphine about getting dinner before heading to Brazil, where fourteen Leda clones wait for them.
Helena finally names Orange and Purple, giving them the names of “real men”: Arthur and Donnie.
Sarah, Kira, and Felix are heading out for some fun in the water. Sarah seems happy. She didn’t sell the house and it’s filled with Uncle Felix’s paintings and a few other homey touches. It looks lived in—
It looks like it was made for a family.
One Last Personal Note: I was a different person in March, 2013. I still lived in Indiana; I was doing a consulting job that I hated; and my transition was stalled going nowhere. When a friend told me I should watch Orphan Black I blew them off: I didn’t have time for TV. I was too caught up in my own dark shit.
Then in August of the same year I moved to Pennsylvania and my life, as they say, changed. Once I started becoming the person I am today I found the time to relax and enjoy some television—
And that’s when I caught up with Orphan Black.
I streamed Season 1 online and then began watching Season 2 as it aired. I was fucking hooked. Here was a story—an intelligent, well-written one—about a group of women going on their own voyage of discovery while dealing with things that could leave them dead if they weren’t careful. I was caught up in their tale and became a die-hard member of Clone Club, the fandom that not only built around the show, but was encouraged by the producers and staff.
It was only natural when I started recapping that I told Rachel I had to do this show.
I had hoped it would run for a long time, but five season, fifty hours of quality programming—it did the right thing: it ended on top and gave the Leda clones the ending they deserved. There’s already talk of a movie, and one can hope perhaps we’ll have comics showing how their lives have progressed since the end of the show.
If not I’m content with their story. And in time I’ll go back and relive it again.
It is my hope that in reading these recaps of S4 and S5 you’ve sought out Season 1 through 3, and that you’ve enjoyed the show as much as I. And if you haven’t seen them yet—what are you waiting for?
The Final Trip is over. There is nothing more to say: the tale is told.
At least for now.
Thank you for sticking with me these last two seasons. And if you should meet me on the street, come up and say hi. Remember: I’m a sestra, just like you.
And with that said, I’ll let the ladies have the final say…
The DVD of Season 5 of Orphan Black will be available from September 12, 2017. Order your copy now!
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As always, let us know what you think in the comments before!
Sarah, Allison, Helena, Cosima, Rachel, Veera (M.K.), Beth, Krystal, Tony, Katja, Jennifer, Miriam, Kamila, and the Voice of Pupok — Tatiana Maslany
Felix “Fee” Dawkins — Jordan Gavaris
Kira Manning — Skyler Wexler
Donnie Hendrix — Kristian Bruun
Arthur “Art” Bell — Kevin Hanchard
Siobhan Sadler “Mrs. S” — Maria Doyle Kennedy
P.T. Westmoreland — Stephen McHattie
Dr. Virginia Coady — Kyra Harper
Scott — Josh Vokey
Hell Wizard — Calwyn Shurgold
Detective Engers — Elyse Levesque
Adele — Lauren Hammersley
Charlotte — Cynthia Galant
Delphine Cormier — Evelyne Brochu