So here we are, at the finale end of season 6 of The Walking Dead. Yes, Negan appeared, no he didn’t swear. Yes someone died, no we don’t know who. And so begins my Negan-inspired recap of Episode 16 (entitled “Last Day On Earth”)…
The season 6 finale of The Walking Dead ran for 90 minutes. But considering AMC broke the episode down into approximately 60 minutes of Rick’s RV adventure into roadblock hell, 15 minutes of suicidal Carol being followed by turncoat Morgan, 1 minute dragging Glenn, Daryl, Michonne and Rosita out of a van and 14 minutes of Negan monologuing about how awesome he is and shit, there isn’t really much to say.
Cassidy Frazee: Oh, there’s PLENTY to say. And people best get their big girl panties on, ’cause this is gonna be a ride. Though not like the one that starts below—
Rick’s RV Adventures Into Roadblock Hell
CF: Oh, fuck: the above image says it all. “Hey, do you get the feeling these guys don’t want us to get to Hilltop? Maybe we should go home?” “FUCK THAT! Let’s try another way!”
RT: Exactly right! I’m like, “How much do you want Maggie to die?” Go home and read Denise’s books and try and work it out yourself guys!
For starters, Rick (Andrew Lincoln), Carl (Chandler Riggs), Abraham (Michael Cudlitz), Eugene (Josh McDermitt), Sasha (Sonequa Martin-Green) and Aaron (Ross Marquand) are driving around in the RV with sick, pregnant Maggie (Lauren Cohan), trying to get her to the doctor at Hilltop. Except every single motherfucking road they drive down has a Saviors pop up roadblock. Yes, for most of the episode we get to see them driving down roads, getting stopped by the Saviors, backing up and trying another road rather than drive back to Alexandria. By the time Eugene suggests maybe they should split up and send everyone out on foot while using the RV as a decoy, I wasn’t even caring what happened any more. I was even contemplating if I cared if ANY of them lived. AMC is not doing their job well if I am suddenly Team Saviors just to get the episode over and done with.
CF: As Rachel knows I was taking notes just in case I was needed to step in and write the recap, so I’m sitting in front of the TV with my computer in my lap, and I’m writing. And there’s at least eight moments where I write, “RV going down the road–” “RV again–” “It’s RV Time–” “RV time and . . . Another fucking roadblock.” No shit: I said the same thing as Rachel did in the photo caption above. An HOUR of this fucking show was wasted on this bullshit. And all the while Rick’s like, “No, back up and let’s try another way.” Haven’t you figured it out, Rick? THERE ARE NO OTHER WAYS! Goddamn man, I guess someone needs to hit you in the head with a baseball bat to get that through to you.
Of course the decoy plan of Eugene’s doesn’t work and all of them are rounded up quicker than you can say “eeney, meeney, miney, moe.” But more on that a little later on.
CF: Of course it was never going to work, because there was no way they were gonna beat the Savior Ninja Clan.
Suicidal Carol and Turncoat MorganSo Carol (Melissa McBride) has left the tribe and Morgan (Lennie James) manages to track her down within five minutes of episode 16 of The Walking Dead. He then tries to convince her to stay. Carol is injured and just wants to be left to die. When Morgan goes to investigate an annoying noise for her, she manages to sneak off. And so Morgan goes hunting for her again. It’s kind of like the annoying RV storyline and officially the second episode this season that has stolen the Groundhog Day plot.
CF: I get where they’re going: this is Carol from the Prison Days having totally lost her religion and wanting to check out. However, GN Carol decided enough was enough and when out through Death by Zombie, whereas TV Carol, who has a gun, simply can’t put the barrel in her mouth and pull the trigger. Because if she does that we don’t get the “Don’t make me kill you!” moments, nor can Morgan find her because–well, you’ll see below.
So Carol gets found by the Savior she managed to injure in episode 15 of The Walking Dead. He wants to watch her die but Carol is so bat shit crazy suicidal by this point that he is confused and can’t work out whether to kill her or not. Which is when Morgan turns up and kills that motherfucker when he won’t talk it out. Righto then Morgan, what have you been preaching for the ENTIRE FUCKING SEASON?!?! So of course Carol STILL wants to die and Morgan STILL won’t get her be. While they are arguing, some guys who are not from Alexandria, Hilltop OR the Saviors turns up which means there is a whole other group out there we knew nothing about. Just how many people will AMC have to kill with all these new characters arriving on a weekly basis?
CF: This was probably the most convoluted, bullshit scene of the show. The Savior guy shows up, has Carol dead to rights, and what does he do? Why, I’ll start MONOLOGUING! Seriously, The Incredibles came out in 2004, did no one in The Walking Dead universe see that movie? And how many times have we seen this sort of shit from the Saviors? Plenty. How many of them have died ’cause of that shit? Plenty.
RT: In this day and internet-age, I NEVER think it is essential for monologuing. Ever. AMC I am looking at you. Find another way to create suspense. This is just lazy writing.
CF: Then along comes Morgan pointing the gun that Rick gave him, and it’s like, “You don’t have to do this.” “I do.” BLAM! Morgan puts the guy down and doesn’t even seem upset about his choice! “All life is precious–ah, fuck it. Not this time. BLAM! Murdered You!” Since Gimple helped write this episode, I’m gonna say he probably authored this part. This is a bullshit move and a half: you do not spend the season setting up a character who will not kill under ANY circumstance, and then have him kill to protect a character that wants to die! Fuck me, but this is so fucking wrong.
RT: Out of all the bullshit in this episode, I think this pissed me off the most. Once again AMC, find another way to drag out suspense and story lines. Morgan has been trying to convert everyone since he arrived. A whole fucking episode was devoted to his reasoning behind his actions. But no, (and I agree, Cassidy, here’s looking at you fan-troll-Gimple) instead Morgan gives zero fucks and kills a guy. The least Lennie James could do is try to look apologetic during this scene because surely they should know that the fans won’t fall for this shit? But no, he didn’t even seem to have a moral blip of recognition that this goes entirely against his character.
CF: And the guys who rode in at the end? I’m gonna say it’s Ezekiel’s people from The Kingdom. They end up becoming players in the upcoming struggle against The Saviors.
RT: Thanks for this heads up Cassidy. For a moment I was trying to make the stretch that they might belong to Hilltop because as a TV watcher of The Walking Dead, I couldn’t work them out. But the costume just didn’t fit in with the little we know about them already.
CF: One last thing about this whole Carol Wants To Die line: of all the people who get set up for the Damsel in Distress trope, it’s Carol. What really pisses me off about this whole arc is that if Carol was really in the mood to kill herself, then she would have done so. Really, this was all about getting someone out to meet the people from The Kingdom, but we gotta set up a need to rescue Carol for it to go down. Suck it, AMC. Just suck it.
That Moment When Daryl Is Alive But You Don’t Even Care Any MoreTo be honest, I had kind of nodded off and forgotten about Daryl (Norman Reedus), Glenn (Steven Yeun), Michonne (Danai Gurira) and Rosita (Christian Serratos) up until this point. Which is some sort of epic feat on AMC’s behalf because Glenn is my favourite character. Yeah, AMC had been teasing us with flashes of a dark room and heavy breathing that we kind of assumed was Daryl’s group, but I really wasn’t caring by this point. When they dragged them all out, all I saw was the reunion between Glenn and Maggie and how much they fucked it all up by showing their devotion to each other right in front of Negan.
CF: I knew this was at least Daryl, but like you I didn’t give a shit. And you’re right about the connection between Glenn and Maggie being shown, it was another dumb character move. Um, shall we say it was . . . foreshadowing???? *rolling my fucking eyes*
Motherfucking Negan And His MonolguingSo now we have pretty every single main character–and Rosita–lined up in front of the RV. Yeah, Eugene lasted about five minutes in that thing before he got rounded up by Negan (Jeffrey Dean Morgan). Rick’s group managed to drag Maggie through the woods for maybe ten minutes before they were corralled into the Saviors trap and Negan arrives complete with his bat-o-hell, Lucille, draped over his shoulder.
CF: Once more, The Saviors are like a fucking ninja clan instead of a bunch of assholes led by a huge asshole.
RT: It just all felt a little too much like a video game with the Savior-ninjas popping up everywhere. I am not so much scared of them but amused at just how they “conveniently” end up just where they need to be. I get that there are a lot of them, but to me it looked more like humour done badly.
CF: Well, you know who Negan’s buddy with the ‘stash was, don’t you? Steven Ogg, who was modeled for and voiced Trevor Philips from Grand Theft Auto V. So hell yeah, video games!
RT: And now it ALL makes sense! I hate you even more AMC.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is loads of funny shit Negan says in his monologue but I just can’t wrap my head around it all because AMC have decided that “pee-pee pants” is an appropriate substitute for “fuck”. Yeah, AMC, it fucking isn’t. So, to make a long story short, Negan has everyone in a line and can’t decide who to kill. By this point I am ready to rip Lucille out of his arrogant fucking hands and kill the lot of them because I am over the wait already. Come on AMC, we know someone big dies in this episode, just get it over with. Rip that fucking band-aid off because pulling it off slowly is just pissing the fan base off.
CF: In all fairness to AMC–and I have to give them this much–the “pee-pee pants” line was taken right out of the comic. How do I know? Because—
RT: *Shakes her fist at Negan* Really mate? I can’t even look you in the eye now. Even my kids as toddlers did’t use this phrase.
CF: He used to be a used-car salesman. That’s his back story. So . . . Dude is probably a dumb kid deep down. The sort that will beat you with a bat. 🙂
For this part they did pretty much use the comic to storyboard the scene. But the singular lack of “fucks” in this part fucking pissed me the fucking fuck off. So much for the fucking trolling bullshit coming from the production crew that AMC was finally going to let the show drop an f-bomb or two during this scene, but fuck no: they fucking backed the fuck out. So right fucking here, I’m fucking making up for what fucking Negan would have fucking said. And I’m not exaggerating.
RT: #ZeroFucksGiven: When AMC takes that term just way too literally 🙁
CF: Of ALL the shit Negan can say, they left that one on. Just wait for Season 7 where he slaps Rick on the shoulder and starts talking about his dick.
But then Negan has to monologue because Rick isn’t quite crazy enough already and Glenn and Maggie aren’t crying enough. When Negan finally starts in with his “eeney, meeney, miney, moe” routine, I am anticipating the horrible moment we have been waiting the entire season for.
CF: And at this point I’m looking at the clock going, “There’s ninety seconds left, they aren’t going to show it.” Because AMC are fucking assholes.
RT: Exactly what I was thinking too. And this is well after I had tweeted my #TWDFinaleIn6Words:
No cliffhanger! Don’t troll us AMC! #TWDFinalein6words
— Rachel Tsoumbakos (@mrszoomby) April 3, 2016
That’s when AMC decide to get all creative and show the death scene from the perspective of the victim. Yeah, total fade to fucking black and Walking Dead fans have to wait until October before we know who died. Not cool AMC, not motherfucking cool. I know Jeffrey Dean Morgan is expecting hate mail from Walking Dead fans, but, realistically, I think it will be AMC who will be getting it all. Have they not learned from the “Is Glenn dead?” bullshit earlier in the season that you just can’t fuck fans over like this?
CF: From what I’ve seen in the aftermath of this bullshit, most people are like, “Hey, is Negan supposed to be a bad guy, ’cause he’s pretty fucking charming.” And while JDM pretty much got Negan down as a narcissistic asshole who lives for The Cult of Personality, they blew it in terms of showing what a vicious twat he is deep down. Seriously, Rick has come off at times as a far bigger bad ass, only because we’re seen him in full-blown Crazy Rick Mode. Here, by NOT showing the payoff to this scene, we don’t see how much Negan enjoys killing someone up close and personal, and that’s what sets him apart from Rick, and that’s what we totally fucking lost here. And as the fade to black happened, I was pretty much like this:
Because AMC completely fucked this moment up. Hard. With a fucking barbed wire bat.
You are cunts. They fucked us all over with the dragged out Negan/Saviors storyline and then decided to drag that dead horse right out until fucking October. Or longer, considering just how much they love to follow cliffhangers with 2 or 3 episodes of completely unrelated shit. For ever more I will look at AMC and see nothing but All Motherfucking Cunts.
The Snarking Dead
CF: And since I’m part of The Snarking Dead, I add my name to the above letter as well with the following added:
I went to bed pissed off at this episode, and as I told Rachel this morning I work up, crawling out of bed, still pissed off. When her first comment to me was, “AMC are cunts,” I laughed a grim laugh, because it’s true: they are cunts. Season 6 is, by far, the worst season The Walking Dead has laid upon their viewers, and they’ve beat this horse so damn much that it turned into a Walker that the show can beat some more. We’ve learned, the hard way, that Rick (1) doesn’t actually give much of a shit about people save for a few, (2) he really enjoys being a sociopathic dictator, though he’ll tell you up and down he’s not either, and (3) he’s made few good decisions the whole fucking season, but no one has the balls to call him on his bullshit. It was only at the end, when Rick and Company are on their knees, that Andy Lincoln completely sells the notion through the terror and loss in his character’s eyes that not only is Rick fucked, but his assholery is gonna get someone close to him killed. Sometimes you do need that shit beaten into you.
RT: Rick in this scene was fabulous. In fact I could have watched 90 minutes of Rick losing his smug rather than smug Rick goes on a stupid road trip…
CF: The Walking Dead has pulled off some wild, bullshit moments this season, and they’ve laid on the foreshadowing and symbolism so hard at times that The Hulk couldn’t punch through it cleanly. But this season they seem to have fallen into the “Cliffhanger Trap,” where every fucking thing hinges on a cliffhanger that isn’t always pulled off that well. They did that at the end of Episode 8 with everyone walking off the porch and Sam starting to make noise, and then we wait a couple of months for the payoff. Now we do the same, playing the zombie version of “Who Shot J.R.?”. This is bullshit we didn’t need, and I made the mistake of watching Talking Dead after this episode and seeing Robert Kirkman sorta half-smirk his way through the, “This is the end of one story, and we start another next season,” line, as if that’s gonna pacify fans. No, motherfucker, it’s not, and you better get ready for the shitstorm headed your way.
RT: I am yet to watch Talking Dead. I imagine there will be a blog post to rival my HBO bullshitery post in a day or two…
CF: Talking Dead made my head spin, though it was fun seeing Jeffery and Norman together, as they’re friends. But I wanted to punch Gimple and Kirkman.
CF: This moment was, for the fans of the graphic novel, THE iconic moment of the show. We’ve known of Negan’s coming for at least a year; we’ve known this moment was coming for months. It’s been fucking teased to hell and gone, and the goddamn rumors about who was going to die, or how many were going to day, have been ridiculous. Norman’s leaving the show, so he dies because someone saw Emily Kinney on the set filming a Beth drop-in; Melissa McBride is leaving the show, so for sure Negan beats her to death; Lauren cut her hair, so that means she’s leaving the show and Negan’s gonna kill her–or, better yet (as I’ve heard some fans say), he’ll just beat her in the stomach because we can’t have more than one baby on the show. Whatever the fuck that’s supposed to mean.
Really, I’ve waited so long for this moment. I wanted to see this played out. I wanted to be horrified by what was going down. I wanted to cringe and go, “Oh, fuck! That’s brutal!” I wanted all of that, AMC:
You, however, decided I needed something else.
This episode, right here, is Storytelling 101 about how NOT to take an iconic moment found in one medium and make it a memorable, iconic moment in another. No, this moment has been spoiled; this moment can never become iconic because, for the sake of bad melodrama, AMC cliffhangered this motherfucker and created a situation where fans now have to wait another six months to discover who was beaten to death, and a lot of fans aren’t gonna give a shit ’cause whomever was murdered has been overshadowed by a ton of bullshit theatrics. You blew it, guys. You could have had people screaming at their televisions with tears streaming down their faces: instead you have fans screaming at their televisions out of frustration ’cause they feel they just got fucked.
RT: I completely agree. Killing a fan favorite was cliffhanger enough. Because fans are invested in these characters. We really care about them. If we knew which one had died at the end we would now be grieving and madly trying to work out how everyone else will cope in the show. Instead we have six months to brew on this shit and get increasingly more crazy-arsed-Rick on AMC.
CF: Who was murdered? Since symbolism has been a major issue all season, this is how I see it. Negan was AMC, and the person killed were the fans. And the best way to get that across is to shoot the scene from a first person point-of-view, because everyone watching this episode were the ones getting Lucille right in the fucking skull and heading Out of the Blue and Into the Black.
RT: This is the most absolute truth I have ever read! I hate you AMC with the fury of someone with blue balls AND a raging itch.
CF: Negan was right: now you work for me. So let me take half your shit now, and in six months I’ll come back for the rest.
And you’ll fucking like it. Or else.
RT: And AMC knows I will be back to watch next season. However, AMC, I am telling you know, you thought my snark was bad enough already. Bitches, you ain’t seen nothing yet!
CF: Season 7 will see NO MERCY! And really, after it was over I was thinking, “I’m ready for Fear the Walking Dead. I need something that’s far less bullshit.” At least with those guys they’re gonna make mistakes, and you know it.
What did you think of the season 6 finale of AMC’s The Walking Dead? Let us know your thoughts by commenting below!
Season 7 of AMC’s The Walking Dead returns in October, 2016.
[Photo Credits: AMC]
- The Walking Dead, Season 6, Episode 15: “East” (thesnarkingdeadrecaps.wordpress.com