Here’s what went down in episode 7, entitled “The Profit And The Loss” of season 4 of Vikings.
On The High Seas
At sea, Ragnar (Travis Fimmel) is setting strategies. The plan is to attack from the sea as well as on land. And Lagertha (Katheryn Winnick) volunteers for the land expedition, planning to sneak up on the forts and try and take out as many Franks as they can that way. King Harald Finehair (Peter Franzen) is still having penis envy issues and insists his boat is first in line as they attack from the water.
Bjorn (Alexander Ludwig) is determined to call Erlendur (Edvin Endre) on setting the beserker onto him. Erlendur lies through his teeth about it and so continues that game of vikings. Meanwhile, Ragnar is trying to convince Bjorn’s mother, Lagertha, not to fight on account of her pregnancy but Lagertha is old-viking school and insists what the Seer (John Kavanagh) says goes.
Finally it is time for the longships to approach the Frankish forts and Rollo (Clive Standen), the betraying cunt of a brother who should have been killed back when he first betrayed Ragnar is waiting. The vikings are pumped, ready for action. Except Ragnar who is jittery as hell thanks to his betel nuts and Bjorn who is murderous towards his uncle Rollo.
The Battle–LandFor the vikings on land, it seemed like a pretty simple task to approach the forts by land, taking out as many Frankish troops as possible. Notice how I used the term “seemed”. Yeah, those forts only look like they are surrounded by grassy plains. Instead a boggy ring of hell surrounds them and Rollo sees them approach, calling his troops, they fire down on the vikings as they try to free themselves from the quagmire.
Rollo is a cunt. He can see they are Lagertha’s shields. But not one single fuck is given.
— Charlotte (@Smeary) April 1, 2016
Even with the surprise attack ruined, Lagertha’s group manage to get close enough to do some real damage, so at least there is that. But, in the end, they have to retreat.
At sea, Ragnar has realised Lagertha’s group have been spotted. It is at this time that Rollo calls on the attack on the viking ships. Surprisingly, their shield walls hold up well. To start with. As they get closer, it all starts to go to shit. Not only are crossbows much better weapons than shield walls, but they have catapults and fire arrows and that god awful chain that takes out Finehair’s boat. In the confusion, Floki (Gustaf Skarsgard) ends up in the water and it is Ragnar who saves him. Yes Floki, that is true friendship. Suck on that sour lemon, bitch! The image of Floki realising Ragnar cares almost looks like Floki lying in the grass with Helga and I get this horrible shiver of foreshadowing.While all this is going down, Rollo is reciting poetry and Ragnar is too busy yelling at Rollo. Fimmel’s acting is awesome here. The facial expressions slay me. Every. Single. Time. Rollo actually looks a little upset at this point. But, for the audience, everything just looks shit. Like a great big mess of horrible churning out vikings body parts and flinging them to the wind. This is probably the saddest episode I have watched of Vikings. And the worst is yet to come… As with the viking group on land, the sea-faring vikings also retreat.
While there are no shits to be given for anything outside of the Paris attack in Episode 7 of Vikings, History Channel decides there is and reminds us that Aslaug has been left alone in Kattegat. Who better to send to her but Harbard. This goes exactly as you would expect it to. Except Harbard goes the extra mile and starts kissing every female in town, using this device to “tell their future”. I’m pretty sure this is how a cult starts…
Wessex is the other place I really couldn’t give a shit about in this episode. But it turns out the competition for the biggest cunt of all has made it this far. King Ecbert (Linus Roache) is on his way to “save” Mercia but is really just trying not to look like he is forcefully taking it over. One the way he ends up in
the crypt below Winterfell a royal crypt where the other royal contender for Mercia likes to hang out. This guy is a complete emo and after moaning about wanting to kill himself, hands over the actual Mercian crown to King Ecbert. After he pries it out of the hand of his long dead relative.
ParisAfter the attack, Rollo is perusing the scene, probably looking for familiar faces. Gisla (Morgane Polanski) is all excited about how many viking women were warriors. She also wants to meet Lagertha. Besides this being a horrible idea, does she not understand the concept of dead warriors? I mean, we all know Lagertha is alive, but Gisla has no idea.
The Battle–The Vikings Camp
So many of the viking women and children have stayed behind at camp, waiting for the battle to be over, ready to tend to wounds. So when Roland (Huw Parmenter) brings in a Frankish group to annihilate them, I actually feel physically ill.
While there has been no major characters lives lost on the battle field, when the vikings return to the camp, there is a horrible scene awaiting fans of Floki and his wife, Helga (Maude Hirst). She has been very badly injured, and–to be honest–I don’t think she will survive. This is the worst. While I hate Floki a lot of the time since he killed Athelstan (George Blagden), my heart is weeping for the big old pot of horrible that has been poured all over him in season 4 of Vikings.
In his madness and grief, Floki takes to the hills and has some weird amalgamated sex with Aslaug where he keeps changing into Harbard (Kevin Durand). This is how Floki works out Harbard is back in Kattegat. But will he tell Ragnar?
For Ragnar though, Yidu (Dianne Doan) managed to keep his sons safe. He is so happy he demands more drugs, to which Yidu replies there isn’t any. Things get ugly, as it so often does lately and once more I am hating what Ragnar has become. Yet, to see just how much the defeat at Paris is affecting him, I also just want to curl up and cry for all the shit he is in the midst of.
For Bjorn, the honeymoon is over between him and his father. He lays the blame on the defeat at Paris squarely on Ragnar’s shoulders. This is going to get ugly…
And, seriously, whose head is that Ragnar is talking to?
What did you think of episode 7 of Vikings? Let us know your thoughts by commenting below.
Season 4 of Vikings returns to History Channel with episode 8, entitled “Portage” on Thursday, April 7, at 10 p.m. ET.
The official synopsis for episode 8 is:
“Defeat for the Vikings calls Ragnar’s leadership into question as they evacuate their camp and move back down-river. Ragnar himself remains inscrutable until he orders the fleet to beach at a cliff face and unveils an ingenious plan. Rollo and Gisla have news that strengthens Rollo’s position at the French Court whilst Count Odo fails to identify his true enemies, with fatal consequences.”
You can read my recap of Episode 8 here.
[Image via A&E Network]
- Vikings, Season 4, Episode 6 Recap, “What Might Have Been” (thesnarkingdeadrecaps.wordpress.com)