King Alfred’s Day Gets Worse
Poor King Alfred (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo) just hasn’t been able to catch a break since he became king. Now, Episode 13 of Vikings Season 5 sees him having to deal with the fallout from Heahmund (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) killing Lord Cuthred (Jonathan Delaney Tynan) at the end of Episode 12. His brother, Aethelred (Darren Cahill) wants to see Heahmund refused the return of his Bishopric. Alfred, instead, considers reinstating the warrior bishop because Heahmund reveals the plot against the king.
As for whether Aethelred is involved with this plot against his own brother, well, seeing Aethelred entering a room with a group of haters seems pretty damning to me.
The news isn’t all bad for King Alfred, though. He manages to convince two of the Vikings, Ubbe (Jordan Patrick Smith) and Torvi (Georgia Hirst), to get baptized.
Although, even though this doesn’t impress the naysayers on his side or Bjorn Ironside (Alexander Ludwig) on the Viking side.
As for Ubbe and Torvi, besides publically renouncing their pagan beliefs in order to strengthen the Vikings position alongside King Alfred, they mostly appear to be doing it for shits and giggles.
King Alfred Also Gets A Wife
Even though Alfred has had his hands full with royal shit since the arrival of Princess Elsewith (Roisin Murphy) in last week’s episode of Vikings, he still manages to snare the prize in this week’s episode.
Basically, he lays out all his cards — which is the shittest hand ever dealt — and gives Elsewith the option of backing out of the betrothal. Elsewith refuses to back out, though. And, whether that has anything to do with the fact that she might be knocked up with a Viking baby remains to be seen.
Bjorn, as to be expected, is suitably pissed.
Bjorn Meets A Brother
Remember that time when Queen Kwenthrith (Amy Bailey) peed on Ragnar Lothbrok (Travis Fimmel) and Magnus was born?
Well, it turns out the poor kid, who was put out on the street when Ragnar publically denied being his father, managed to survive.
And, boy, hasn’t he festered over the years about how he was shunted.
So, when Magnus sees Bjorn giving the major pissy face at King Alfred during his marriage to Princess Elsewith, he decides to introduce himself. He figures that they both have an agenda against King Alfred. And, while Bjorn probably does too, I am pretty sure he is just fucking with Magnus until he can work out how to use him to his own advantage.
Ivar Tells Harald To Piss Off
Now that Ivar the Boneless (Alex Hogh Andersen) has a kingdom and a pregnant missus, he figures it’s time to tell Harald Finehair (Peter Franzen) to piss off over to England. Because, you can’t have two kings in the one village without one killing the other. It’s practically Viking law. Plus, as Harald points out, no one likes Ivar, so who wants that sort of negativity around anyway?
When Harald arrives in York, he pretty much uses the same tactics against Ivar’s appointed ruler of York, Jarl Olavsson (Tomi May). Except, he adds another layer. Harald invites Olavsson to help him defeat Wessex and then to come back to Kattegat and defeat Ivar the Boneless.
At first, Olavsson is all, “We can’t kill the sons of Ragnar Lothbrok because why shit on all the awesome sagas.” Harald gives zero fucks about the legends. Probably because he figures if he is brutal enough and takes over all of Norway like he wants to, then the legends will be about him.
Of course, I’m pretty sure Olavsson can see that deadly Viking glimmer in Harald’s eye and agrees to the deal.
Ivar Demands A Sacrifice
So, now that the meddlesome Margrethe (Ada Marie Nielson) is out of the way, the other ex-slave with visions of grandeur, Freydis (Alicia Agneson) can now take front and centre stage. She also visits her real baby daddy and has him killed rather than risk him ‘fessing up to being the real sperm donor.
Ivar also tells Hvitserk (Marco Ilso) that maybe he needs to take a little trip like Harald did now that Freydis is pregnant and Ivar is awesome. This suggestion also comes after Hvitserk comments on the fact Margrethe was killed because she knew about Ivar’s “boneless” problem not only being in his legs. Of course, Hvitserk says this out loud in the great hall, so everyone knows this. But, Hvitserk, while naive, is not completely stupid and points out to Ivar that everyone in Kattegat hates Ivar for banishing their queen, also points out that people will be watching to see if anything happens to Hvitserk now that Margrethe is dead. I’m not sure it will be enough to save him from his treacherous brother, but it’s certainly worth a shot.
Ivar, wanting to prove to everyone that he is not only able to get a woman knocked up but that he is a legit god, decides a sacrifice is in order. This doesn’t smack of small man’s syndrome at all…
In addition, this sacrifice has to be some sort of awesome, one worthy of a god that walks among the Vikings. Ivar gives Hvitserk The Look while he is explaining all of this and Hvitserk might want to reconsider his dedication to Team Ivar.
Of course, viewers will have to tune into next week’s episode of Vikings to find out if Hvitserk is Ivar’s sacrificial lamb or not since Episode 13 ends on a cliffhanger.
Iceland’s Forecast: Miserable, Always Miserable.
Finally, in Iceland, everything remains a big old mess. Floki (Gustaf Skarsgard) tells his feuding community that they have one very last chance to just get along before he loses his shit.
But then, the pregnant Thorunn (Mei Bignall) goes missing and shit is likely going to hit the fan all over again.
Vikings returns on Wednesday, December 19, at 9 p.m. ET/PT. History Channel provides the following synopsis for Episode 14 (titled “The Lost Moment”).
“As the celebrations for Ivar continue in Kattegat, grief hits Iceland, and Floki must now make a fated decision. Harald’s army approaches Wessex. A conspiracy grows against King Alfred in court.”
You can purchase episodes of Season 5 of Vikings here. Season 4, Volume 2 (Episodes 11-20) of History Channel’s Vikings is now available for purchase here. Volume 1 (Episodes 1-10) is available here. (These are affiliate links.)
Also, if you have watched tonight’s episode and are missing the old tales of Lagertha and Ragnar, why not check out my current series, Vikings Secrets. This is a fictional retelling of the classic Viking sagas surrounding Ragnar and the women who loved him.
You can find out more about this exciting series here.
[Featured Image by History Channel]