All Good Things Must Come to an End
Bjorn Ironside (Alexander Ludwig) has returned from his eventful Contiki tour to the Mediterranean. He regales his children about eating rulers while Halfdan (Peter Paakkonen) tells Lagertha (Katheryn Winnick) all about the sand problem over there.
Lagertha informs them that Ivar (Alex Hogh) has joined with Harald Finehair (Peter Franzen) and stolen her girlfriend. But, hey, that’s okay, because here are the Sami’s, a new Viking race we haven’t really heard about yet but, like that drunk uncle no one wants to invite to the party until they discover a need for him, so too has Lagertha called on this new group.
Unlike the drunken uncle, however, the Sami’s have a hot princess called Snaefrid. Bjorn, having dumped Torvi (Georgia Hirst) on his way in, sets his sights on this new woman. Lagertha, seeing the strategic advantage of having her son married to the Sami princess, lets the king know that her son wants to shag his daughter.And so it is arranged.
Now, for those of you who were really into Count Odo’s (Owen Roe) 50 shades arc in Season 4 of Vikings, will be happy to know ropes are involved with Bjorn and Snaefrid’s first night together. There is also talk of chewing reindeer balls, but Bjorn seems happy with the arrangement.
Torvi, on the other hand, is crying into Ubbe’s (Jordan Patrick Smith) shoulder. Which means that, of course, Margrethe (Ida Nielsen) is watching from the shadows.
Now, we all love it so much when Margrethe gets a bee in her bonnet, especially when it means she can blame Lagertha for something. So, this is totally how it goes down when Ubbe returns home.
She also announces how it would be nice if Ubbe just let Ivar walk into Kattegat and took the place. If he could kill Bjorn too that would be great, because by doing that, it places Ubbe in direct line to become king of Kattegat–making her a queen.
Did I mention Margrethe has an agenda?
No, well, all I can say is, shut the fuck up Margrethe. Seriously, why has no one killed her yet?
The Honeymoon of Harald and Astrid is Officially Over
Episode 7 of Vikings Season 5 sees Astrid spewing over the edge of the pier. While Harald is excited about this, Astrid is wondering if a gangbang baby is such a good idea.
Ivar and Heahmund Play Chess
While those in Kattegat are trying to work out how Ivar the Boneless will fuck things up, Ivar is actually just sitting around talking religion with Heahmund (Jonathan Rhys Meyers). Hvitserk (Marco Ilso) occasionally pops in to remind the audience that he is still there. But, really, it’s all about Ivar and how he seems to be searching for a Christian friend like his father had in Athelstan (George Blagden)
Alfred Goes on Another Pilgrimage
Speaking of Athelstan, his illegitimate son, Alfred (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo), is trying to find out more about his father. Episode 6 of Vikings saw him announce to his mother, Judith (Jennie Jacques) that he was off to Lindisfarne.
When he gets there, Alfred is told all about the apostate that returned from the Vikings and wasn’t really a true Christian after being tainted by heathen gods. This pisses Alfred off and he goes off on a rant about how nothing is really ever black or white in this world and that maybe the monks need to pull their heads out of their arses and get with the times. Namely, he “suggests” they drop giving services in Latin, because who the fuck even understands that language anymore?
By the end of Episode 7 of Vikings Season 5, Alfred has decided Athelstan was with him all the time anyway and, really, this story arc was mostly useless.
Floki and his Secret Gods Squad
Over in Iceland, Floki (Gustaf) is still coping shit for not bestowing a ready-made society upon his group. However, Aud (Leah McNamara) is on Floki’s side and manages to rally the troops.
Except for that one annoying guy who suggests that although Floki keeps spouting a Utopian society where everyone rules and no one gets taxed, really, Floki just wants to be king. Floki, being Floki, has no reply for this.
We know that Ivar and Harald will attack Kattegat on the full moon and Episode 7 of Vikings concludes with the arrival of the aforementioned full moon. Lagertha is pretty fatalistic about the upcoming battle and is convinced Ivar will fuck everything up, herself included.
“The end of our world is here,” she tells Bjorn who is more optimistic than that.
Viewers, however, will have to tune into future episodes of Vikings Season 5 to find out who will be victorious in regard to Kattegat.
What did you think of Episode 7, of History Channel’s Vikings Season 5? Let us know by commenting below!
Vikings returns to History Channel on Wednesday, January 10 at 9 p.m. ET/PT. Zap2It writes the following synopsis for Episode 8 (titled “The Joke”).
” The battle for Kattegat begins; as the two armies line up to fight, the Great Heathen Army must decide between a final plea for peace or all-out war; Floki faces discord among the settlers.”
You can purchase episodes of Season 5 of Vikings here. Season 4, Volume 2 (Episodes 11-20) of History Channel’s Vikings is now available for purchase here. Volume 1 (Episodes 1-10) is available here. (These are affiliate links.)
[Featured Image by History Channel]